I realize many of you probably conquered this battle a long time ago, but I will admit—ashamedly—that I have not. Comparison still nips at my heels on a daily, often momentary basis, seeking to distract and potentially destroy me. Sometimes it’s silly stuff like noticing the beautiful flowerbeds in my neighbors’ yards as I’m leaving home—a colorful, yet brutal reminder that I don’t have beautiful flowerbeds. Shoot, I can’t even keep my hanging baskets on the front porch alive. Other times, however, my comparison involves an issue that cuts deeper and bleeds longer, often leaving scars that stay with me for a long time. You know those things I’m talking about so I won’t mention them by name.
But I will share with you some things I’ve learned about myself that may be true in your life as well. But let me warn you—they’re not pretty; in fact, this is messy stuff that has taken years for me to process and purge. And it’s still a work in progress.
I have discovered that comparison is rooted in two character flaws that we often mistakenly consider contradictory, even incompatible. Nearly always, our propensity for comparison springs from the soil of pride or insecurity—and sometimes, both. It’s the toxic combination of these two flaws that prompts us to criticize the skills and successes of others so that we don’t feel inferior or “less than.” When we cannot diminish the accomplishments of another, we are prone to discredit their motives—though we can’t possibly discern them. In doing this, we seek an alternative and yet artificial way to elevate ourselves—and it is destructive to the soul, created to be a unique and original reflection of our Heavenly Father.
Maybe you’ve heard the cliché “comparison is the thief of joy”, and certainly it is. It will barge in unannounced (and unwelcomed) to steal our contentment and rob us blind. But I wonder if we’ve been fighting the wrong battle. Is it realistic that we will someday reach a place of maturity so that we never notice the differences between ourselves and others? Perhaps. But what do we do with those obvious disparities until then?
I’ve always believed that it’s easier to do something good than to not do something bad. It just takes less effort and energy. So, rather than striving to cease all comparison, what if we could change the way we view the chasm separating us from those we are prone to criticize or envy? If we could grasp that different doesn’t have to indicate right vs. wrong or good vs. bad—or even good vs. better? Sometimes it’s just plain different—because that’s the way it’s supposed to be, by divine design.
Conquering comparison becomes much easier when we consider the design behind our differences. I want to throw out a few possibilities for contemplation. We have different successes, status, and stuff (among other things) because of:
- Different Seasons: Our experiences and accomplishments are unique to our current season of life. “There is a season and a time for everything,” but this particular season is specific to God’s current work in us—which is distinct from His work in those around us (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
Strategy: Enjoy THIS season; savor THIS moment, for it will never come again.
- Different Giftings: We have been uniquely gifted by God to bring Him honor and glory (1 Peter 4:10-11). When we like the gifts of others more than our own, we are prone to envy or fabricate—both producing frustration and exhaustion, much like forcing a square peg into a round hole.
Strategy: Discover and develop YOUR gifts, allowing God to use them for His glory.
- Different Assignments/Calling: While God has created all people for His glory, He has a unique assignment for each one of us (Ephesians 2:10). That means He uniquely positions us exactly where we can most effectively complete the assignment.
Strategy: Identify and complete YOUR assignment, giving and receiving assistance when needed. While the assignment is individual, the completion is often collaborative.
It is a challenging but attainable goal to let comparison prompt appreciation rather than contempt for our divine differences. It’s worth it to DO THE WORK.