At the beginning of my senior year in high school, my parents and I began talking about plans for college. Although we had a local university in the city where I grew up, staying home for college wasn’t even on my radar. Like every other graduating senior, I wanted a taste of freedom. I wanted to make my own choices and be accountable only to myself. My parents, however, didn’t share my sentiment. And since they were funding my education, they cast the deciding vote that I would stay home and attend the local university for the first year.
I was highly offended by their decision for many reasons. What upset me the most, however, wasn’t living at home or missing out on real “college life.” It wasn’t even the lack of college football (although that probably ran a close second). What offended me most about their decision was the inequity of it–it just wasn’t fair, at least not according to my definition of fairness. You see, my older sister went away to college for her first year, and so I couldn’t understand why the rules had to be different for me. Somehow in my 17 to 18 years of life, I had developed the notion that everything had to be fair, and fairness meant equality.
What took me years to discover, however, was that the fair thing isn’t always the right thing, and the right thing isn’t always equality. My sister and I had very different personalities and propensities, and my parents fully understood those differences. In fact, they appreciated our differences enough to risk my resentment by imposing an unwelcome and inconsistent restriction on me. Could it be that God, as a loving parent, isn’t all about fairness either? Perish the thought in a culture that says everything must be equal.
I have often pondered the question and inquired of God, “Why her and not me?” or “Why that family and not my family?” Now, mind you, my comparisons are always made to those in seemingly better situations, so as to encourage a sense of injustice instead of gratitude. But I have learned over the years to be thankful that God is not always fair. It is the inequity of God that has protected me from myself so many times. Were it not for the many things God has withheld from me, I would be a dreadfully different person today. I’m glad that God is not fair.
But that begs another question for those of us who are children of God: Should we be people of fairness who look for every opportunity to make things equal? While that sounds like a noble pursuit in this culture of social justice, I dare to disagree.
When I was a kid, we devised a way to ensure total fairness when dividing the last piece of chocolate cake (or any other delicious thing, for that matter). One person would cut the piece and the other person would choose. This method inspired the cutter to be as precise as possible so the pieces were essentially equal. And if there ever was any disparity, it was assumed that the chooser would snag the larger piece. After all, who doesn’t want the better option for themselves? Such is the nature of the human heart…until God reshapes it.
This whole cake scenario is exactly what happened with Abraham and Lot. Well, it’s not exactly the same. It wasn’t cake, but land they were splitting. And Abraham, Lot’s elder and superior, did the absolute unthinkable for a man in his favored position–He let Lot be the cutter and the chooser. He had the God-given right to retain both roles for himself, but he gave them away. For Abraham, justice didn’t mean equality, but sacrifice. In a culture where everyone is vigorously guarding the right to have as much as the next person, what if God is calling us to a life of decrease instead of increase?
[As painful as that possibility is for some of us to consider, what would it look like if it was played out in our lives? Would it mean a decrease in expenses so there can be an increase in generosity? What about a sacrifice of privacy for a surplus of ministry? John put it this way: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” Why are we surprised that God is not actively working in our lives when we have failed to make any room for Him? Let’s ditch the fairness notion and embrace a life of divine decrease.